beginnings.

I can't shake this. Everything else was easier than this. Nothing is right anymore. When did things stop going right and all be wrong? I can't put my finger on any event or circumstance that triggered it. But time doesn't mean anything to me anymore. I'm not putting the dates that I'm writing things on. It's unimportant. I'll let you know when it's June. All the days are just colliding into eachother and creating a haze too thick for me to see if I'm the girl in the mirror. Not that it matters because I know i'm not anymore. As much as people say it's a choice, this isn't. I don't want to be or feel this way. This way being the product of an empty shell...like something deep within me exploded and isn't going to reconstruct. I wander aimlessly.
Why am I still here?
Why am I still here?
WHY AM I STILL HERE?
why didn't you let me die when I tried so hard to? why?
I'm not anyone.
I'm not special.
I'm not beautiful.
I'm not a lover.
I'm not important.
I'm not anything.


...and I won't ever be.