the quiet things that no one ever knows.

it's too easy to be realistic.
and by realistic, I mean negative.
the time feels like it's just going to drag on for eternity.
i don't know which is better or worse.
me to be protected and safe at home but alone....or living a little in fear and not being alone.
that's something i've struggled with my whole life. loneliness.
i can be in a room full of people i know and love and still feel completely and utterly alone.

and i hate this boy. the boy that haunts me. he won't leave me alone. i haven't told him to leave me alone. i say, "stop." and he respects me in that moment.
so is it really that bad? it's nice to have someone to talk to.
is it bad that i'm entertained? that i'm finding a cure for a boredom?
that i feel like he understands me?
that i crave the attention?

it's all talk. nothing more. nothing ever will come of it...





right???